crystallized
do you ever feel timidly helpless? like you want something so bad but are simlpy unable to muster the courage to retrive it. i constanly feel this way, like the world is fading past me and i cant grab onto what i truley want and i am left in a world of what could have been. I feel like polar oposites. my outgoing side will sometimes run with recklessness and do something absolutley insane, things people cant actually belive i would go out and do. and then my shy side takes over, devouring me into myself. i turn into a expressionless mute. i wish i could find some balance between the two, connecting both parts of me into something that works.
well i suprised even myself when i finally took initiative and got what i thought important to me. i know it sounds silly and honestly quite ridiculous. but i finally IMed him and now we text and talk on the phone. i am so deeply infatuated with this boy that i know i am going to find a way to screw it up. its all the reverse sycology. why is it ever god damn time that they finally like me back. its all over fo rme the fight for the perfect one has been acomplished and its time to find a new one. why whenever those guys talk to you, your body goes into this world of flutters and you lose all train of thought. its all anyone wants someone to understand them. a person you can cook, and laugh and cuddle with. i want a boyfriens whos also my best friend. ah, one can only wish.
love,
Laney
